One of the most difficult parts of this journey for me has
been losing the activities I loved. As mentioned in an earlier post, I am very
grateful for discovering swimming, but at the same time, my heart has a small ping
every time I pass a runner on the street. Try as I might, I have not found anything
that compares to the rush of completing a long run outside. I see other
individuals running in the sunshine and I would give anything to be them, for
exercise to be as simple as lacing up my shoes again.
Accordingly, over the past two years, I have discovered
Facebook envy. It takes only one person's post about their 3 mile run or recent
cross fit adventure to strike up my jealous card. I am ashamed to admit that I
have hidden many friends' posts from view because I simply couldn't stand to
read about their newest fitness endeavors. Instead of being proud of them for
getting into shape, I find myself hating their ability to do the things I
can't.
It's so easy to spend time focusing on the losses. But if I
am honest with myself, there were days when I positively hated running. I would
be ½ mile into a long run and not know how I would complete it. It's hard to
remember this, as my mind has somewhat glorified running.
I have had several doctors tell me that I will run again. At
first, this gave me hope. But now, it is just painful to hear as that point is
still not in sight. So for now, I will keep waiting and just be grateful that
this year's marathon season has finally ended J.
