One of the most difficult parts of this journey for me has
been losing the activities I loved. As mentioned in an earlier post, I am very
grateful for discovering swimming, but at the same time, my heart has a small ping
every time I pass a runner on the street. Try as I might, I have not found anything
that compares to the rush of completing a long run outside. I see other
individuals running in the sunshine and I would give anything to be them, for
exercise to be as simple as lacing up my shoes again.
Accordingly, over the past two years, I have discovered
Facebook envy. It takes only one person's post about their 3 mile run or recent
cross fit adventure to strike up my jealous card. I am ashamed to admit that I
have hidden many friends' posts from view because I simply couldn't stand to
read about their newest fitness endeavors. Instead of being proud of them for
getting into shape, I find myself hating their ability to do the things I
can't.
It's so easy to spend time focusing on the losses. But if I
am honest with myself, there were days when I positively hated running. I would
be ½ mile into a long run and not know how I would complete it. It's hard to
remember this, as my mind has somewhat glorified running.
I have had several doctors tell me that I will run again. At
first, this gave me hope. But now, it is just painful to hear as that point is
still not in sight. So for now, I will keep waiting and just be grateful that
this year's marathon season has finally ended J.
Hi MJ,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Leo.
I have been reading through your site now for the last few hours in and out of sleep.. its 4am here..lol!!
Oh my word is all I have to say, I think me and you are twins. I have been living with a tarsal coalition now for almost 23 years, diagnosed at the age of 11. Was super active kid running around playing tennis, football, bball you name it but would notice my foot would ache after activity and each time progressively more and longer until finally I complainer enough and mom tooAwesoo the doc who finally diagnosed me after a Mri I believe it was.
Its been a tough painful road ever since......
I'm pretty tired now and would love to write more and plan to hopefully tomorrow, but for now I would just like you to know that everything you have to say be it pain and a constant foot ache even when not standing on my feet, to my whole body going out of wack due to the imbalance this condition has caused and now I seem to have pains everywhere from my shoulders to back, hips especially, the list goes on and on, even from the emotional tool that you have been through I can literally relate to all of it.
I hope and plan to write more.
In the meantime God Bless and Thank You for this awesome blog.
Sincerely,
Leo
PS...I forgot to add that today has been a particularly rough day in the sense of my pain which lead me to looking on line to see if anybody can relate and boy did I ever find somebody who did.....lol
Oh yeah and exercise envy....another one...
ReplyDeleteSeeing people running and or hearing about someone 5 mile run I know exactly what you mean as well.
I love to run and did so "stupidly" up until not too long ago even while in agony, I found all sorts of tricks to limit the impact as well as other stuff that allowed me to do that, but now its got pretty bad and I could very well be suffering more than ever on account of all the running I should not have done. But I loved it and there is no better work out in my opinion and now all I can do is look at people running and all those runner magazines and day dream about the good ole days when I could still do that.
So just another thing you wrote that i'm totally in complete understanding of it, just from your title of exercise envy....which happened to be the first thing of yours I read...I knew from the title alone exactly what you meant and how you felt about all the things you wrote about.
One day Lord Willing we will be doing that I pray.
Leo
Hi Leo,
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy that you found the blog. Another really great support is the Facebook group - there are so many people who know and understand this condition and who have been through the same things that we have (and more!). https://www.facebook.com/groups/120464547046/
I will pray that you find some relief in the near future!
Marcy
Hi!
ReplyDeleteYou know, I agree! There are days when I want to run really badly too. But I'm actually in medical school right now and what I've learned is that there are so many conditions that really limit many people; we just never talk about them in the open. I think running has been overglorified too, as you mention - check out "constant cardio" or something like that, and the idea is that maybe it's not as helpful as we think.
For me what helps me, is thinking about my role models who had to slow down (Frida Kahlo) and that it actually HELPED them do incredible things, trying to appreciate my new "Ability" to appreciate every single step, and remember the times when i couldn't even walk! And when my pain comes back when walking I try to "remember" this so next time when I want to run I can be grateful for what I have. i think that is the key - just trying to focus on being grateful for what we do have - we don't have (hopefully?) other chronic conditions that limit us in other ways, which many people have (Huntington's disease, other genetic disorders with U30 lifespan, etc.)
Another thing I notice with gratitude - when I am not grateful, and I start focusing on the negative, I just feel worse and worse. Really. It's such a black hole for me. I am learning I can't think or talk about it often, or that's where I stay. But when I only let positive thoughts - gratitude and joy about what I CAN do, I feel so much happier! And I want to choose that =)
Also, have you tried weight lifting? I swim too and I know I know - it's not the same! But one thing I did was sign up for NYC Swim's competitions - these are open water swims =) I figure that it might be empowering to do these as a sort of "marathon" that folks with a coalition can do! Weight lifting helps too, because my legs really burn and stregthen, more so than they would with running! Also it might also help to consider that with running it's also very easy to injure other things - knees, hips, tendons, etc.! It is a hard sport for anyone. Who's to say that we would have been able to run even without our coalition, if not for other types of injuries that prevent the majority of the world from running hard?
In solidarity! =)
-Megan
I have a tarsal coalition as well it's not normal soreally as much when Im doing exercise but it's so sore tonight. Not easy having it when you want to do more and you cant because it's sore.
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