As a sufferer
of chronic pain, I can admit that I sometimes get absorbed in the pain and the
suffering. I sometimes forget how much my pain affects those around me. I am
extremely lucky to have the most supportive and loving husband who has stood by
me in my weakest moments. Although he stays strong, I know that it must hurt
him to see me in this much pain.
For other
spouses of those who suffer chronic pain, I offer a few suggestions. First, try
to understand that we tend to let the pain build up inside us until we reach
our bursting point. Unfortunately for you, that means that you often get the
blunt of our anger and frustration. I apologize for this, but know that often
you have not done anything wrong other than be at the wrong place at the wrong
time. Along those lines, we often spend the entire day at work putting on a
happy face and pretending like our bodies are not rebelling. This in itself can
be exhausting, and sometimes we can barely make it to the car without breaking
down into tears.
Additionally,
let us do activities that we love, even if they cause us pain. For sufferers of
chronic pain, life is all about trade-offs We are forced to give up many of the
things we love, and will often continue to do them, even if it makes the pain
worse. Let us do it. I know it seems stupid and counterproductive, but mentally
we need it.
As humans,
we resist admitting weakness. Learning to ask for help has been one of the
hardest (and best learned) lessons for me. That said, even in my moments of
deepest sadness, it was very difficult for me to admit that I needed to talk to
someone. My husband was the one who would not let it go and urged me to see
professional therapy. At some point, the spouse can help their loved one to
realize that she needs more help than the spouse can offer.
Sometimes,
as hard as it is, you just have to let us breakdown. I know it breaks my
husband's heart to see me curled in a ball sobbing on the bathroom floor, but I
need those moments. Sometimes I need to throw things, to scream, to punch, and to
cry.
Most of all, keep loving us, even as you see us change.
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| My support system. |
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